Looking After Yourself Whilst Supporting Your Anxious Child
Parenting is a complex and rewarding journey, but when your child is struggling with anxiety, it can feel especially overwhelming. As a parent, your instinct is to protect and support your child through every challenge they face. However, when your child is anxious, this can be an emotional and mental strain, leaving you feeling drained, worried, and unsure of the best ways to help.
While your child’s mental health is a top priority, it’s equally important to take care of your own well-being. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and the more supported and balanced you feel, the better equipped you’ll be to help your child through their anxiety. In this blog, we’ll explore how you can look after yourself whilst being there for your anxious child, providing you with practical strategies for maintaining your own mental and emotional health.
1. Acknowledge Your Own Emotions
When supporting a child with anxiety, it’s natural to focus all of your attention on them. However, this can lead to neglecting your own emotional needs. Many parents experience a range of emotions, from worry and frustration to guilt and helplessness, when their child is struggling. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings rather than pushing them aside.
Here’s how you can start acknowledging your emotions:
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Recognise that it’s okay to feel overwhelmed: Supporting a child with anxiety can be emotionally taxing, and it’s normal to feel overwhelmed at times. Allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgement.
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Talk about your feelings: Whether it’s with a trusted friend, partner, or therapist, talking through your emotions can help you process them. Sometimes simply expressing how you feel can provide relief and clarity.
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Practise self-compassion: Be kind to yourself. It’s easy to feel like you should be doing more or doing things perfectly, but no parent has all the answers. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
2. Set Realistic Expectations
One of the greatest challenges for parents supporting an anxious child is the desire to “fix” the situation quickly. Unfortunately, anxiety is a complex experience that often requires time and patience to manage. Setting realistic expectations for yourself and your child is essential for maintaining your own mental well-being.
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Understand that progress takes time: Mental health journeys are rarely linear. There will be setbacks, and that’s okay. Instead of expecting immediate results, focus on small improvements and celebrate the victories, no matter how small they seem.
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Release the pressure to have all the answers: As a parent, it’s easy to feel responsible for solving every problem. However, remember there are other people in your child's life who can support alongside you, such as their teacher(s), extended family and friends. They may also benefit from working with a therapist. Your role is to support and guide, not to be the sole provider of solutions.
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Adjust your expectations of yourself: It’s easy to set high standards for yourself, but try to let go of the idea that you need to be the “perfect” parent. Perfection isn’t attainable or necessary—what matters most is that you’re there, listening, and offering support.
3. Make Time for Self-Care
In the midst of supporting your anxious child, it’s easy to push your own self-care to the side. However, neglecting your physical and emotional health can leave you feeling depleted, which ultimately impacts your ability to be there for your child. Making time for self-care is essential for maintaining your energy, resilience, and overall well-being.
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Prioritise physical health: Ensure that you’re getting enough sleep, eating balanced meals, and incorporating regular exercise into your routine. Physical health and mental well-being are closely connected, and maintaining your own health will give you more energy to support your child.
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Engage in activities that bring you joy: Even if it’s just for 10 minutes a day, try to carve out time for activities that help you relax and recharge. Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or practising mindfulness, doing something that nourishes your soul is key to self-care.
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Practise mindfulness or meditation: Mindfulness and meditation can help you manage stress and stay grounded, even during challenging moments. These practices don’t require a lot of time—just a few minutes of deep breathing or quiet reflection can have a profound effect on your mental state.
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Ask for help when you need it: Don’t hesitate to lean on your support network, whether that’s your spouse, a friend, or family members. You don’t have to carry the weight of your child’s anxiety on your own.
4. Build a Support System
It’s important to remember that you don’t have to face this journey alone. Building a support system around you can make a world of difference when it comes to managing your own stress while supporting your child.
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Find a community of parents: Connecting with other parents who are going through similar experiences can be incredibly comforting. Whether it’s joining a local support group or finding an online community, talking to others who understand your situation can provide emotional relief and practical advice.
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Seek professional support: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, consider seeking support from a psychologist, therapist or counsellor. Many parents find it helpful to talk through their feelings with a professional who can offer coping strategies and insights.
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Involve your partner or co-parent: If you’re parenting with a partner, make sure to communicate openly about how you’re both feeling and how you can share the load. Supporting a child with anxiety is easier when you have a team working together.
5. Establish Boundaries
While it’s natural to want to do everything for your child, especially when they’re struggling with anxiety, it’s essential to establish healthy boundaries. Without them, you may end up feeling overwhelmed, which can negatively impact both you and your child.
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Recognise what’s within your control: You can’t control every aspect of your child’s anxiety, and trying to do so will only lead to frustration. Focus on the things you can control, such as offering emotional support, creating a safe and calm environment, and ensuring they receive the help they need.
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Teach problem-solving rather than fixing everything: Encourage your child to work through their anxiety through identifying and using coping strategies rather than solving every problem for them. This helps build resilience in your child and prevents you from taking on too much responsibility.
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Set time aside for yourself: It’s easy to lose yourself in caring for your child, but it’s important to set boundaries around your own time and needs. Let your child know that you’ll always be there for them, but that you also need time to recharge so you can continue to support them effectively.
6. Celebrate Small Wins
When you’re in the thick of supporting a child with anxiety, it can be hard to see the progress, especially when setbacks happen. However, celebrating the small wins along the way is essential for both you and your child.
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Acknowledge the progress: Whether it’s your child successfully using a coping strategy, opening up about their feelings, or managing a stressful situation better than before, take the time to recognise these moments. They are all signs of growth.
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Celebrate your own efforts: It’s important to give yourself credit, too. Supporting a child with anxiety is not easy, and every effort you make to help them is worth celebrating. Don’t underestimate the impact your love, patience, and involvement have on your child’s journey.
7. Trust the Process
Finally, it’s important to trust the process. Anxiety often takes time to manage, and there will be ups and downs along the way. Remember that progress is not always linear, and setbacks are a normal part of the journey.
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Be patient with the journey: It’s natural to want quick fixes, but mental health improvement takes time. Stay focused on the long-term goal, and remind yourself that every step forward, no matter how small, is progress.
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Trust your instincts: As a parent, you know your child better than anyone. Trust your instincts when it comes to supporting them, and don’t be afraid to advocate for them if needed.
Supporting an anxious child is a challenging and emotional journey, but by looking after your own mental and emotional health, you can be a more effective and present parent. Remember, self-care is not a luxury—it’s a necessity. By acknowledging your emotions, setting realistic expectations, and building a support system, you’ll be better equipped to guide your child through their anxiety whilst maintaining your own well-being.
