From Firefighting to Prevention: A Better Way to Support Teens with EBSA

“I want to go to school… but I just can’t.”

If you’ve worked with, or are the parent of a teen experiencing Emotionally Based School Avoidance (EBSA), this may be all too familiar.

These young people often desperately want to attend school but find it overwhelming, exhausting, or emotionally unsafe. It’s rarely about not wanting to learn. More often, it’s about surviving each day without their nervous system tipping into shutdown.

And yet, despite best intentions, many schools are stuck responding to EBSA in a reactive way, trying to support a child after things have escalated, when attendance has already dropped, and everyone is in crisis mode.

But there is another way. A preventative rather than curative approach.

What Teens with EBSA Are Really Up Against

In my work with families, the same patterns and barriers come up time and time again. These aren't just one-off issues, they're systemic stress points that, when unaddressed, can make school feel unbearable.

Some of the most common challenges I see include:

🔁 Inconsistent approaches across staff
Teens notice when one teacher allows a timeout and another questions it. When the learning mentor says one thing, and the pastoral lead says another. These mixed messages heighten anxiety and chip away at a sense of safety and predictability.

⏰ Unclear access to pastoral or learning support
Imagine needing help and not knowing when it’s okay to ask or worse, being turned away. I’ve worked with students who were told, “We’re too busy today,” when they reached out. The message they received: your distress doesn’t matter here.

🚪 Support strategies they’re too afraid to use
Timeout cards and safe spaces are only helpful if students feel psychologically safe to use them. Many don’t. They worry about looking different, being judged by peers, or getting told off for ‘abusing the system.’ So instead, they sit frozen, panicking quietly through the day.

❓ A lack of clarity about what’s ‘allowed’
Students ask:
– “Can I leave class if I feel overwhelmed?”
– “Will I get in trouble if I miss a test?”
– “Am I allowed to text my parent when I’m panicking?”

Without clear, compassionate boundaries and open communication, the fear of doing the wrong thing adds another layer of distress.

Why a Preventative Approach Matters

When schools wait for things to go wrong before stepping in, they miss crucial windows for early intervention.

A preventative approach means:

• Creating clear, consistent systems across all staff.
• Communicating with families early, before patterns of avoidance become entrenched.
• Co-producing plans with students that are meaningful to them—not just well-intended on paper.
• Embedding emotional safety into the fabric of the school day, not reserving it for moments of crisis.

This isn’t about adding more to already stretched staff teams. It’s about working smarter, with clarity and compassion. It’s about equipping schools to respond to distress before it turns into avoidance.

If you’re a school leader, SENCO, or pastoral lead:

🟢 What barriers are you noticing when it comes to supporting students with EBSA?
🟢 What’s already working in your setting—and where are the sticking points?

As parents, are you noticing these barriers or others?

Let’s move this conversation beyond attendance targets and behaviour policies, and start building environments that feel safe enough to show up in.

Let’s Build Something Better

If your team is ready to move beyond reactive support and develop a joined-up, compassionate approach to EBSA, I offer tailored EBSA training and consultation packages for schools and trusts.

You can learn more about what's included here.

If you're a parent needing support, find out what I offer here.